Hello my dearest family and friends,
Well, this week was a week full of experiences, trial, and much pleading to our Father in Heaven. Friday night, the night before Rowena’s baptism, she ended up changing her mind yet again at the last second. She said that she appreciates all the effort we put towards her and the love she has shown, but her final decision to not be baptized will not change.
It was very tragic for both Sister DeHoyos and I as well as some ward members. We’ve done everything we can for her. A lot of speculation was formed about us missionaries, Rowena, our teachings to her, and much I won't go into detail about, but frankly, I learned more about our Father in Heaven and His reality through these challenges that break my heart and bring me to my knees.
I was so confused. Why did this have to happen?
We did everything in our power to help bring the spirit to this beloved investigator and invited her day in and day out to just trust God through following the example of His beloved son.
Where did I go wrong? Yeah. For all those who know me well know that this was more than just a disappointment and sorrow.
Thoughts had developed in my mind that I’ve never experienced thinking about before in my almost 10 months of being on my mission. With the little baptisms and progression that have been happening in my mission. The amount of iniquity consuming the world. My inadequacy as a missionary. It was all coming down on me hard. In those moments of my despair, I wanted to come home. I wanted to leave my mission. I felt that if my honest efforts weren’t enough, why even keep going for another 8 months. Im just wasting time if nothing is being accomplished, right? Why. Why. Why.
But I was missing something.
In the moments of my despair, and after much prayer, I was able to talk to my mission president, remembered the wise words of my mama and papa minson, and was nourished by the talk given by Jeffrey R Holland this past conference.
I was directed back to the 121 and 122 section of the Doctrine and Convenants with my mission president. We referred back to the life Joseph Smith had and what he had endured. My mission president told me that this is the Lord’s work. And that if we try to make it our own, we will spend the rest of our services to Him extremely frustrated, tired, inadequate, and every negative thing we could possibly think about ourselves and our efforts. President Guanzon quoted DC 122:7-9:
7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
9 Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.”
After pondering about these words our Father in Heaven gave to the prophet Joseph Smith and softening my heart, I realized a lot. Especially about myself.
This is the lord’s work.
He knows exactly whats going on and what His disciples are going through, yet He allows us to endure our own little garden of Gethsemane and our personal worse nightmares to give us experience! Because it will be for our own good! Because our Father in Heaven loves us more than our own mothers (and grandmothers) because He knows that we cannot inherit all the He has and enjoy all He has to offer, save it be that we endure this life well. Not just endure, but find joy in the journey and do it well. The “do it well” is the challenging part, but with prayer, and asking the Father for a heart full of love and understanding with real intent and a contrite heart, it is not just fulfilling, but possible.
Don’t worry, I'm staying.
And I have no shame in what I felt during my darkest times, because the Lord saved me. Saved my mission, and taught me more about myself in way that nothing else could have. And for that, im eternally indebted to Him in infinite ways.
I testify to you all that every single detail and chapter in our lives is all part of God’s plan. God didn’t just throw us on the earth and said, “now walk and find food.” I know with all my heart He doesn’t work that way. The Lord knows exactly what we can and can't take and what will actually stretch us to be stronger and become more like Him.
Brothers and Sisters, I know that I am nothing without my God. I boast not in my own strength, but I boast in the strength of my God. For He has made known unto me my weaknesses and what I need to fix within myself. For I know that through Christ, all things are possible. In His way. In His timing. I am not loosing hope. Thank you so much for all the love and support you give me. Thank you for all your prayers and counsel. Im truly blessed. Legazpi will forever have a special place in my heart because of the experiences the Lord is giving me. I cannot wait to learn more from my Almighty Father in Heaven.
I love this work, and I love the chastisement the Lord brings upon His children. I know the Lord will bring forth many miracles when He decides to do so. No one is ever forgotten in the eyes of our almighty creator. I know this to be true, in the name of Jesus Christ.
I love my family so much
PS! Special shoutout to all!!
Love always,
Sister Delgado
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| Caught this discusting spider after screaming my head off. It wasn't fun for me. Everyone will forever know me as the sister who hates spiders and bugs!! haha |
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